I Feel So Down, So Awful!

Have you ever had a feeling of having your mind full with unnecessary thoughts and feelings? Feeling sad, feeling all so guilty, and feeling sorry and helpless to the point that you just don’t care what’s going to happen.
That you are tired of expecting that something good will happen, so sick of stumbling blocks in front of you?
Feeling like, nobody believes in you. Or you just don’t deserve something good, something what you want. And all you did, and all what you are doing is sacrificing your own happiness just to please other people.

I'm feeling all those... and i'm not liking it.

I sometimes think that I filled my mind with so much emptiness or so much dirty, useless information that my mind is going to explode with them. What an anxiety huh?
I live through the fear of not getting my mind back again to useful thought and feelings. I mean nice, happy feelings. I missed feeling appreciated, I miss my laughs, I miss a light happy feelings. I miss all those.
Yeah, okay, it’s me, who puts all this pressure upon me, all the mess into my mind.
That means I can empty my trash too.

I wish it’s as easy as clicking the recycle bin icon and press empty trash. ;( but thats not the case..oh well...

I Either Like You or I Don't

If i say i don't like you, don't get mad, I'm entitle to my own opinion. If i say your a douchebag, a jackass, a lying c or even worst an arshole... hey let me. at least I'm giving you a hint that its time to reevaluate yourself. ha-ha. We are not perfect, i know...i don't want to sound harsh, Coz I'am not, I'mm really not!. you're just a cry baby? thats what I think. haha

I get so bored with people who try to sugar coat things. I get mad when people lie to me in my face. How about be yourself, nothing is wrong with it. Believe me you will feel better if you just don’t pretend. Don’t, pretend, lie or make up bullshit story. Coz I’m not going to buy it anyway. Its just a waste of time.. (Mine and yours) .Look if it's the truth some people are going to be ok with it and some people won't. To the people who can't handle the truth all I have to say is man up. The truth is bound to come out sooner or later so for me I'd rather just tell you the truth now and get all the hurt feelings out on the table so we can either move on or we don't. I have so much more respect for people who just tell the brutal honest truth. You will get more out of me in return by telling me the truth then by either lying because you think it will make me feel better or trying to make it sound nice.
Tell me something beside BS and I’m going to put you on a pedestal... Oh wait I change my mind; I suddenly remember something about me. That I don’t put a happy face to make you feel all so oh good! Ha-ha. . I say what I want to say, I don’t care if you can handle it or not. Coz, rather yank my teeth than bite my tongue.

Inspired by Mother ''N''

We don’t often think about it, but we actually live on a beautiful planet. It would be a shame to destroy all of this. I tried to capture the essence of this beauty whenever i get the chance. Here's a few. I hope that these beautiful photographs can inspire you as much as they inspired me.

My First !

Why start blogging now? Im holding off on starting a personal blog for a very long time, now i have these reasons to really start!!

First; for many months of reading other posts and following so many running blogs, I thought its time to finally share my thoughts with the running community!

I’m not a very articulate person when it comes to verbally expressing things that goes on inside my mind. So forgive me


Second; as a way to express myself. I needed a place to vent about my life. I needed a place to talk about things that are happening around me.I decided that I wanted to express myself and my feelings the best way I knew how, through words.

I needed a place to be freeeeeeeee!


Well, a brief introduction is required, right?

I'm ayen, I grew up without a father ( i do not know how it happens ) but it happened. Ive met wrong people along the way which makes my life a bit difficult. blah. On the bright side, I have a dog named Gibson, he keeps me sane(I know how pathetic that sounds hehehe). I have a very loving family who loves me unconditionally and a very loyal, loving, funny, smart, talented Best Friend who loves me so much.
So here it goes..... my new blog